My last day of winter break starts today. I feel like I've been here for such a short period of time--this last week kinda dragged out, I must admit--but, in truth, a whole month passed. I'm excited to get back to school, and start classes and actually follow a daily routine, but just as in the beginning, fears pop up in my mind. New classes, new friends, new situations-- all these things bring along excitement but also fright. Also, I'm going to miss being home to some degree; a comfort exists there that I cannot find elsewhere.
Being home is strange as always. The people are the same, but the interaction definitely changes. Unfortunately, most people have little to talk about, because they no longer live together on a daily basis. Talking about yesterdays and past occurrences mostly constitutes the friendly chatter between friends.
Dynamics alter. People change, becoming things they would have never imagined not so long ago. It is indeed strange, and at times, it can become uncomfortable. This summer may or may not be different, because the period of time is longer, and new memories crafted. I guess this is what they call growing up.
This semester, I will take a few more chances, put myself out there, and hope that I find what I'm looking for. I'm not stuck in the past, but rather stuck in fear of the future, unremittingly stuck in the present state--a semi-"limbo" situation. Being home makes me nostalgic, but at school, no one has infiltrated that part of my life. I think I like it that way.
I realized early on that friends are friends, no matter how much time you spend apart and no matter how much time exists between each conversation, all that time shared together is special and memorable. Those are the friends that are truly friends, believe me on that. The people who put in the effort are the real ones. I've learned that you can't and shouldn't spend your life wondering who will be around the next morning or when the next time you can talk to someone is. At the end of the day, a real friend will be there for you at anytime, should you need him or her, plain and simple. Friendships should not be plagued with conditions and "one-sidedness." Those types of friendships are not worthwhile, and people who partake in them do themselves an injustice, and to their future friends.
The type of happiness to seek is the kind that you realize when you are sitting alone, or with a group of friends, and not the type found in another individual. It is a pact of peace that you must make with yourself.
Don't let your special qualities be undermined by someone's inability to be your friend.
On a more brighter note, there is a lot to be thankful for: my new and old friends, my family, my health, my sanity, and my spirit.
Here's to friendship, love, and happiness in the semester!