15 January 2011

End of the Innocence

My last day of winter break starts today. I feel like I've been here for such a short period of time--this last week kinda dragged out, I must admit--but, in truth, a whole month passed. I'm excited to get back to school, and start classes and actually follow a daily routine, but just as in the beginning, fears pop up in my mind. New classes, new friends, new situations-- all these things bring along excitement but also fright. Also, I'm going to miss being home to some degree; a comfort exists there that I cannot find elsewhere.

Being home is strange as always. The people are the same, but the interaction definitely changes. Unfortunately, most people have little to talk about, because they no longer live together on a daily basis. Talking about yesterdays and past occurrences mostly constitutes the friendly chatter between friends.

Dynamics alter. People change, becoming things they would have never imagined not so long ago. It is indeed strange, and at times, it can become uncomfortable. This summer may or may not be different, because the period of time is longer, and new memories crafted. I guess this is what they call growing up.

This semester, I will take a few more chances, put myself out there, and hope that I find what I'm looking for. I'm not stuck in the past, but rather stuck in fear of the future, unremittingly stuck in the present state--a semi-"limbo" situation. Being home makes me nostalgic, but at school, no one has infiltrated that part of my life. I think I like it that way.

I realized early on that friends are friends, no matter how much time you spend apart and no matter how much time exists between each conversation, all that time shared together is special and memorable. Those are the friends that are truly friends, believe me on that. The people who put in the effort are the real ones. I've learned that you can't and shouldn't spend your life wondering who will be around the next morning or when the next time you can talk to someone is. At the end of the day, a real friend will be there for you at anytime, should you need him or her, plain and simple. Friendships should not be plagued with conditions and "one-sidedness." Those types of friendships are not worthwhile, and people who partake in them do themselves an injustice, and to their future friends.

The type of happiness to seek is the kind that you realize when you are sitting alone, or with a group of friends, and not the type found in another individual. It is a pact of peace that you must make with yourself.

Don't let your special qualities be undermined by someone's inability to be your friend.

On a more brighter note, there is a lot to be thankful for: my new and old friends, my family, my health, my sanity, and my spirit.

Here's to friendship, love, and happiness in the semester!

22 November 2010

My life

I started writing again three days ago. It was really exciting for me, because I've been stuck in a rut with my music for a while now. However, I did something that I usually don't do-- write lyrics before music-- and I got it. Two good solid songs written. Since this is my blog, I guess I can write about whatever it is that I feel like writing about. So here goes it.

I've been thinking a lot lately. I have a lot on my mind. Because I've grown EXTREMELY independent, I don't like to make commitments. I don't like the idea of being tied down to doing this, or doing that. I realized that I'm scared of letting go, and trying new things most of the time. I thought for a while that that makes me weak, but I think that it just makes me a person. I've met a lot of cool new people, many of with whom I have become very close. We are like one big family, a very special family. i'm less homesick and less nostalgic, yet I still want things to be as they were every one and a while. I've had some health issues that I think I've dealt with the best that I can. I am positive that it will all end up alright. I'm extremely fascinated by human emotion, and how it is captured through many different mediums. I'm interested in why people feel certain ways, and how emotions disappear. I have felt that lately, I've had more conversations about my feelings with myself than anybody else. Back home, I used to have people to talk to, but here, I'm afraid to talk about things sometimes. I think that's because I'm scared to open and feel what I feel. I'm much more laid back these days. I don't worry about little things, and I take everything with a great assault. But, yet, I'm scared. I just don't think that I've figured out what it is that I'm afraid of yet.

10 October 2010

Erin and Gwen's List of The Worst Weddings Songs Ever

1. Private Eyes - Hall and Oates
2. Every Breath You Take- Sting
3. Ignition(Remix) - R. Kelly
4. Ebony and Ivory- Paul McCartney and the Wings
5. Whip It- Devo
6. Fuck You- Cee Lo Green
7. Crazy- Gnarls Barkley
8. Your Heart is an Empty Room- Death Cab for Cutie
9. Erase Me- Kid Cudi ft. Kanye West
10. Hungry Like a Wolf- Duran Duran
11. Don't Think Twice, It's Alright- Bob Dylan
12. Tie My Hands- Lil Wayne
13. Ode to Divorce- Regina Spektor
14. The First Cut is the Deepest- Sheryl Crow
15. Where Did Our Love Go- The Supremes

29 September 2010

Long Awaited Greetings from The Big City

Greetings from New York City!

I have so much to say, and so little time to say it. I've been here for five weeks now, and I have to say Barnard is amazing. I couldn't have chosen a better school to come to, in all honesty! My classes--Ethnicity and Social Transformation, Intermediate French II, Intro to Comparative Ethnic Studies, and Intro to Women and Gender Studies--are ridiculously great. I have wonderful professors, all of whom love their job and are passionate about the job, so who could seriously ask for more. I do have to admit that I have never worked this hard in my entire life. It's not that I expected this school to be easy, but it's far from it in all respects. I have at least 300 pages of reading a week, plus writing assignments due. It's difficult, yet I don't think I would have it anyway. Socially, everything is very normal. I have made some really great friends, and I really enjoy hanging out with them. I am still meeting cool new people everyday, and all of them are very different from one another. There is a great diversity here at Barnard. Though I go to an all women's college, there are guys around and in three of my four classes.
The city is amazing, but there isn't much time to explore during the week. However, on the weekends, we go all out. I've been to Governor's Island, which is a little island off the tip of Manhattan. We walked around and went to a little art fair. It was lots of fun! I've been to Little Italy, for the San Gennaro festival, and had lots of fun. We've explored lots of places downtown, but there's so much left to see! I can't wait. Last weekend, I went to NYU to visit an old friend and had a blast too!
Morningside Heights, where Barnard is located, is also awesome. It's like a little college town in a huge city. There is so much history, two parks, and the largest cathedral in the world. Bet you didn't know that.
I find that I am homesick at least one day a week, and I really miss my cats and my family. Alongside all that, I really miss my friends. There's a lot of change in my life right now, and I like routine, so it's a bit difficult. I can't wait to see everyone at Thanksgiving though.
Well, I have so much work to do, so I have to go get back to that. I will write again soon. I'm seeing Regina Spektor at the New Yorker Festival this weekend; it should be great!


14 July 2010


It is currently raining outside. As I sit and type this entry, I can hear it pound on my roof. I should probably mention that I am intensely afraid of thunderstorms. While quite aware of their beauty and grace, I still tremble at their sight. I once thought I would outgrow such a fear, but almost eighteen years later, the fear remains.
Some other things about the latest version of myself:
1. I am obsessed with the song, "Re: Stacks" by Bon Iver right now. The song itself is moving and amazingly poignant. It has made me think more and more about what makes a song great, worth listening to at all. The answer that I currently believe to be true is that a good song makes you want to understand it, wraps you in its arms and asks you to join it. A song is like a person constantly in motion, on a journey. A good song compels you to join it on that journey.
2. I've been thinking almost constantly about college. I'm terrified...plain and simple. It scares me to move, make new friends, and start over. However, the thing that scares me the most is that I have to reformulate relationships with everyone in my life right now. I have to make new friends of course. It's a natural part of life. But, I have no clue how to change the relationships with the people in my life right now. Where are the boundaries? Who wants to move on completely? Who wants to remain? I just don't know where to begin and where to end.
3. I'm turning eighteen on Friday, and I am dreading it. I don't want to be forward about it because it should be a happy occasion, but I just don't want to grow up, as cheesy as that may sound. Being eighteen means more responsibility and more pressures, many of which I am not sure that I am ready to take on. I guess that is part of the adventure.

That's all for now.
Good night moon

06 July 2010

What's up Chinatown?

Today, I registered for classes... what an experience that was. I can now say that after two long hours, I am now registered to begin classes after Labor Day. It's exciting, and I picked some cool classes as suggestions. For instance, urban sociology and intro to human rights look delightful. I can't wait to see what I end up with after all is said and done.
Yesterday, I went to Chinatown to visit my old friend, Urban Outfitters, and by accident, I stumbled across the Norman Rockwell exhibit at the American Art Museum. When I was little, I loved Rockwell. I went to the museum twice in Philly when I was only seven years old. So, it was exciting to experience it again at age seventeen! If I weren't careful, I would have missed. It just so happened that I was reading Smithsonian Magazine on the Metro and stumbled across a little blurb about it. All I can say is that it was awesome. All the paintings, sketches, and photographs are from the private collection of Steven Spielberg and George Lucas. What amazing taste they have. It was a lovely exhibit. It just opened on Friday, and while the reviewer in the Washington Post didn't like it, no one should be discouraged as a result of that. After viewing the exhibit, I went to the gift shop and bought myself a little gift: a necklace with the Rockwell painting, "At the Vanity!"
I went to Chinatown again tonight with my family to meet some family friends at our favorite Chinese eatery, Eat First. The food was great as always. All for now. See you tomorrow!

Hello All

Today, I will once again begin my blogging journey for the third time. This time, I'm hoping to be more successful in updating and what not. I decided to begin blogging again because it seemed like a good time. It's summer-more free time- and I'm beginning college in the fall. I plan to document my adventures in this blog. Now. I know that not many people going to read or stumble upon this blog. However, I love to write and this will be fun for me. So, in other words, who cares! Good attitude, I know ;)
Recently, I graduated high school which was a momentous occasion that I haven't fully grasped yet. Four years culminate and then you move on to the real world. It just doesn't seem like the big deal that everyone is making it out to be. However, as I said above, I am moving on to college, and that is what I consider the big deal about it all. I'm going to have to start over and begin anew..... from scratch. Make new friends, meet new people, the whole shabang!
So, in part, this blog is going to be a sounding board for me- a place for me to share who I am becoming. That part about it all- the chance to become someone new and better- is REALLY exciting to me.
So, here it goes. The journey starts now.